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Many divorced or separated people in Australia form new relationships within five years, making stepfamilies one of the most common types of family unit. Establishing a stepfamily or blended family can be challenging, but the challenges depend on the people involved and their circumstances. Generally, there are advantages and disadvantages to stepfamilies. Patience, respect, commitment and time are necessary to overcome any hurdles.Becoming part of a stepfamily involves adjusting to a number of changes, both for parents and children. Young people of different ages tend to feel different things about this at first. They may experience a range of feelings, including anger, jealousy, hate, confusion, hurt and despair. These are all natural and part of the loss and grief process. They will pass, with support from caregivers. It is important not to blame a child if they are causing problems or feeling angry, sad or resentful. Instead, they need understanding.There are many good things about having a stepfamily, like extra nurturing and security. There are problems too, but these problems can be solved with patience and plenty of talking to each other. Most children and young people who become part of a stepfamily end up liking it a lot. Advantages of stepfamiliesMany children and young people feel confused and upset at first, but most end up happy that they’re part of a stepfamily. Once everyone gets used to the changes and comes to know one another, there can be plenty of good things to like about the arrangement.Some of the things that children say they like about being in a stepfamily include:
Difficulties for parents in a stepfamilyParents can face problems adjusting to their new family, including:
Children’s behaviour in stepfamiliesIt takes time for a child or young person to adjust to all the changes that moving into a stepfamily brings. It can be hard for the child to share a home with people they don’t know very well and harder still if it involves moving to another house in a new neighbourhood. Often, a child’s reaction is not deliberately bad behaviour, but a sign that the child is not coping with the changes. It is important for this behaviour to be understood. The child needs to be comforted and assisted to feel loved, supported and secure. Being punished for their behaviour will only make them feel even more isolated.Children act out their feelings through their behaviour. They may not be able to talk about how they feel about their new situation, but they will show you through changes in their behaviour.Confused feelings can manifest themselves through changes in behaviour such as:
Difficulties for a child in a stepfamilyA child can face problems adjusting to the new family, including:
Preschool children and stepfamiliesSome of the reactions of young children may include:
Primary school children and stepfamiliesChildren in primary school may understand what’s going on, but still feel upset and stressed by all the changes. Some of the things they might go through include:
Teenagers and stepfamiliesAdolescence is a vulnerable time for young people, as they are questioning every part of their existence – who they are, how they fit in, their body image and self-esteem. There are many pressures on them from both school and society.Teenagers can really suffer with changes in their family circumstances at this time of ‘identity crisis’ in their own lives. To feel unstable in their own life and also have an unstable home life does not give them any secure place to feel safe.Teenagers aren’t children any more, but they’re not quite adults either. Some of the things an adolescent might go through include:
Getting along with step-siblingsWith new stepsisters or brothers in the house, a child or young person may not be sure of their place in the family. For example, they might have done certain chores or been used to certain routines. Having other people in the house means their usual day-to-day life has to change. However, in many cases, children and young people grow to like and even love their stepbrothers and stepsisters.It is important to give children enough time to get to know their step-siblings. Some of the problems they could face in the meantime include:
Working things out together in a stepfamilyThe best way for family members to handle fights and problems is to sit down and talk about them. Yelling or sulking do not work and just make things tense.Some suggestions for young people include:
Helping your child to adjust to a stepfamilyA child needs to feel their problems and feelings are taken seriously, no matter how trivial their complaint or worry may seem to an adult. Children are trying to tell you something through their behaviour. Rather than punishing them, try to understand.Some suggestions to help your child to adjust include:
Helping the parents in a stepfamilyIt is important for parents to look after themselves while the new family is forming. Parents’ own needs can get lost as they look after their children’s needs. Most parents find the transition into a stepfamily stressful and difficult. Seek counselling, attend a stepfamily group or join an online discussion group to share your problems with others in the same situation and seek advice.Where to get help
Things to remember
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:
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