How to stop getting mad at my boyfriend over little things Reddit

Throwaway because I am embarrassed.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months, and things have been splendid. We never fight, though when we do have disagreements, we channel our thoughts and feelings clearly, through communication. Even when frustration is a big element of our discussions it's channelled in a healthy way.

But recently, two weeks ago, I started getting angry about...nothing. I'm usually very self-aware and good at spotting what's bothering me, but lately, I've been getting upset about literally nothing.

Here's some examples:

Last week, he mentioned he is beating me in a game we play with our friends. I started crying (???) because I wanted to do well and felt like he was "bragging." My behavior caught both of us off guard, and I calmed down and eventually started crying instead because I had a midterm the next day. We chalked it up to a stressful pre-exam day and let it go.

Then, yesterday, I was doing my makeup, and I asked him what he thought about the style I was doing. He said he liked it, but preferred another style I do better. My emotions absolutely dive-bombed, and I started pouting thinking "he doesn't like this makeup," even though that's literally not what he said at all. What the fuck?

After that, he pointed out that I was upset and out of character. He asked if he should take a walk to give me some space and I started SOBBING. Again, what the fuck? I couldn't be calmed down. I went and took a shower and sat in the bathroom and went down an absolute spiral thinking about how maybe I'm the problem in my relationship, maybe my last ex wasn't toxic and manipulative, maybe it's me, after all, didn't I just cry to get my boyfriend to stay in the room instead of going on a walk?

We sat down together afterward I had finally calmed down, and I explained to him that I'm scared and feel like I'm not in control of my emotions, like I'm getting upset about weird things for no reason. He hugged me and tried to help me figure out why (I'm in my first semester of grad school in addition to my job, and am doing both full time; I just finished my midterms; I have little free time; etc) but nothing seemed quite right.

Finally, today, he accidentally dropped my phone. It didn't even break, but I started getting bizarrely angry, in a way really outsized compared to the situation. I caught myself early, and said "I think it's happening again right now, I'm getting angry about literally nothing." We were proud that I managed to catch it early, but I'm still really scared about what's happening.

Reddit, what's going on? I really want to underscore how out of character this is for me. I've never been one to get THIS upset about little things, I always have a good rein on my emotions -- or at the very least, am aware of what they are and why I'm having them. I can't pinpoint anything about these and they make me nervous and feel unlike myself. What do I do?

Some notes: I am under a bit of stress, but have always managed stress well. I'm not on a new birth control, I've been on the same one (really, two -- implant and oral contraceptive) for 2 years, and just oral contraceptive for 7 years before that. Due to that, pretty sure I'm not pregnant. No changes in relationship with boyfriend; if anything, we're more in love every day, our sex life is healthy, and we spend tons of quality time together. I only lash out at him, though.

TL;DR: In the past two weeks I have had several outbursts where I get bizarrely angry or upset over literally nothing, and only at my boyfriend. It is so incredibly out of character that it is shocking and scaring me. What is wrong with me?

So recently Ive been getting really frustrated with my boyfriend. Itll be small things that have nothing to do with him but sometimes his input just makes me more frustrated if that makes sense. I feel really bad for it, sometimes I can get mean towards him and I always regret it. Nothing serious, just swearing or I tell him to stop talking to me or that he's being annoying, but I never mean it. I've always had problems controlling my temper and get frustrated/impatient easily but I don't want to hurt him or our relationship with my frustration. It's always because I have something else going on but since he's the person I'm always around I get a temper with him. I want to make progress, I always apologize like right after because I hate getting annoyed with him, but I want to be kinder and not escalate it in a mean way. I bring it up to him and tell him Im sorry and dont want to be annoyed, but he keeps saying its not a big deal and that we're fine and he knows I love him and bever mean it. He thinks getting annoyed is normal but I hate being annoyed so often and in such a shitty way. We have a great healthy loving relationship besides me getting annoyed, but I really want to get better so please absolutely any advice would help! I have meetings at school with a therapist and have worked on an anger management workbook but I want to feel like Im actually being kinder and handling it better.

TL:DR - I get annoyed with my boyfriend often in a mean way, I want to be kinder and better with my frustration and want advice.

Usually, I'm a pretty laid back person. I don't get irritated or angry very easily. We've been together for 6 happy years, but over the past year or two I've found increasingly that I'll get irritated about really menial things, which sometimes results in my snapping at my boyfriend for no reason. Particularly things that he does often, i.e mannerisms. For example, mispronouncing things repeatedly, using made-up words (which I used to find endearing), doing general housekeeping tasks differently than I would like them done, and asking me what I'm doing when it's obvious (''oh you're cooking?'' when I'm in the process of cooking, or ''oh you're done watching tv?'' when I turn the tv off). I've tried really hard to work on this, and to some degree I've gotten better, but I'm still frequently getting upset with him when he hasn't done anything wrong. I feel so guilty because he doesn't deserve it, and I don't understand why I'm angry.

I have a brother with BPD and it reminds me of how he would get furious at us over nothing growing up. It kinda freaks me out that I'm behaving like him in a small way.

Before anyone asks - I'm not on any medications or birth control. This problem preceded covid and we're both working so aren't seeing more of each other than usual.

tldr; I get mad at my boyfriend over his benign habits/mannerisms. This is really out of character for me and I feel guilty. Why am I like this and how can I stop feeling this way?

Edit: Thank you all for your thoughtful advice! I don't know what the magic root cause is - maybe I've fallen out of love, but I don't believe that. It's reassuring to know that some people have worked through these problems with their partners and that it's not uncommon at all. I'm going to look into the resources some of you have provided, and perhaps finally see a therapist about my general anxiety. I'm not ready to accept that we're broken beyond repair.

It doesn't happen often, but the few times it has, I ended up saying the most hurtful things to him. We've been together for 20 months now. The anger usually stems from something small, not really worth picking a fight about. I've been reading on anger management, and the most common advice is to take a break, walk away or count to ten. I've tried this, but this is my main problem: it makes it worse. I am a designer and have a very active imagination. If I get angry, I start picking imaginary fights with him in my head. I picture what I would say, what he would respond with, and how I would retaliate to that. It turns into a full scale screaming match in my head. In a few minutes, I work myself up to such a rage that the small trigger turns into a huge issue for me.

So after trying to calm down and walking away, I usually end up being 100 times angrier than when it started, and at that point I feel that I should 'talk' to him about it. It ends up as a screaming match, which would still be acceptable, except I yank things completely out of context and intentionally say hurtful things to him. What makes this even worse is that I take something small, a very minor irritation, and pull it completely out of shape and make it huge and ugly. The cause of these outbursts usually stem from my insecurity. I love him dearly, and am so scared of losing him.

My main problem seems to be that the usual anger management techniques seem to do quite the opposite for me; it makes my anger worse. The longer I spend trying to calm down, the angrier I get. I end up saying things in retrospect I honestly don't mean, but it really really hurts his feelings, because he thinks that that is how I really do feel. Normally I calm down the second after I've yelled at him, but then those worse are out in the open, and have done their damage. Usually I end up apologising profusely minutes after the incident, but this is unacceptable, because my hurting words will remain with him. I am truly damaging him, and I don't know how to control it when I'm in the heat of the moment.

Any advice would help!

TL;DR I have a quick temper, but the usualy anger management techniques seem to make my rage worse. I lash out my loved ones and say intentionally hurtful things, which I regret immediately after.