Does my dog know what kisses are

Before you pucker up, here's how dogs really feel about kisses from people.

I love to greet my dog by planting a big old smooch on the top of her head. She knows the routine well and happily nuzzles up to me for affection. If you're like most dog owners, you love to shower your pup with kisses. You might even get licked in return if your dog enjoys the display of affection. 

But what if your dog doesn't want to be kissed? People know that a kiss is a natural way to show affection to other people, but we sometimes forget that our dogs are not human. You may be surprised to learn that many dogs actually dislike this common human behavior.

Do Dogs Like Being Kissed?

Really, the first question to ask is whether dogs understand kisses from people. It turns out that while dogs are pretty good at recognizing human emotions, they don't instinctively know what kisses are.

We spoke with certified animal behaviorist Amy Shojai to learn how dogs experience kisses from humans. "Some dogs enjoy this, if taught what it means," she says. However, if the dog doesn't know what you're doing, it could cause stress or confusion. "People kissing them could potentially send mixed signals," says Shojai. Just because a person is trying to signal affection, it doesn't mean the dog will take it that way.

Dogs tend to approach other dogs in a sideways arc rather than head-on. So, it can be confusing for a dog to suddenly see a human face approaching. In fact, some dogs see it as a threat and may feel the need to defend themselves by growling or biting. Shojai tells us she especially worries about children kissing or hugging dogs because "they're at mouth-level in reach of those teeth if the dog takes the gesture the wrong way."

So what's the answer? It depends. "If the dog has learned to accept kissing on top of the head, then that's fine," says Shojai. "For a new-to-you dog, though, I'd find other more species-appropriate ways to show affection."

The truth is that some dogs simply don't like being kissed. That said, dogs who have been trained to accept kisses may eventually tolerate or even enjoy them.

Are Dog Licks the Same Thing as Kisses?

When a dog licks you, it's not necessarily a show of affection. "What people consider dog kisses (licking) dogs more typically use as appeasement or deference signs," says Shojai. "When they lick another dog's mouth and eyes, they say, 'I'm no threat, you're the boss of me.' In a similar way, they target people's mouth and eyes, or lick hands," Shojai continues.

An appeasement signal, sometimes called a calming signal, is a subtle form of body language that dogs use to calm themselves and other dogs. Appeasement gestures may be used to deescalate a situation and prevent conflict between dogs. Examples include yawning, sniffing, scratching, sneezing, lip-licking, and licking others.

Shojai tells us that dogs "don't identify licking as a sign of affection," but may lick us to seek attention. Basically, when dogs learn that we return their licks with attention and affection, it encourages them to lick us even more.

Of course, we needed to know if our dogs ever lick us to show love and affection (because deep down we really want it to be true). Shojai tells us it's possible. "In a word—yes, dogs CAN learn what pleases us and adjust their behavior accordingly.," says Shojai. "Dogs are very observant and accommodating, and often willing to put up with our foibles—or even learn to like them."

So, if you kiss your dog and he responds by licking you, it could really mean a few different things. There are subtle clues in your dog's body language that can help you decipher the message.

RELATED: Why Do Dogs Lick Their Humans? A Vet Explains

Why Do Some Dogs Yawn or Sneeze When You Kiss Them?

You may have noticed your dog yawning when you kiss him, but it's probably not because he's sleepy. "Yawning also serves as an appeasement signal. If the dog doesn't welcome the kiss, and/or feels threatened in some way, he might yawn to both calm himself and to say, 'hey, don't worry, I'm no threat here so you can back off'," Shojai says.

"As for the sneezes—that's a kind of dog laugh,'' says Shojai. "So maybe the dog feels amused or puzzled and laughs off the strange-to-him gesture." Sneezing can also be used as an appeasement signal.

Bottom line, these actions are likely your dog's way of asking you to please stop with the kisses. But don't take it personally! Fortunately, you can still give your dog affection without causing confusion or stress.

Other Ways to Show Your Dog You Love Them

There are plenty ways to show your dog affection beyond kisses or hugs. My own dog is a big fan of being close to me, so I show her affection with pets, cuddles, and a loving voice. It all comes down to spending time with your dog in a way that's enjoyable for the both of you.

"Play with your dog! And watch to see what kinds of games he likes, and give him what he wants," says Shojai. "My dog no longer has a canine playmate. But he loves for me to 'pretend' to bite his legs like a playful dog (I use my fingers/hands like a fake dog mouth to gently 'pinch' his legs). He loves that. But whatever game (fetch, Frisbee, tug) that the dog enjoys becomes more precious when shared with a human he loves."

Exercising together is a great way to bond too, so take your dog walking or hiking and allow him to explore the world. Some dogs even make good running companions. You can also try teaching your dog some fun tricks. Those treat-filled training sessions can be really enjoyable for dogs and will reinforce the bond you share.

RELATED: 5 Choices That Make Your Dog Happy

We adore our Irish setter, Coral. From the time we brought her home as a seven-week-old puppy, we’ve showered her with affection, giving her hundreds if not thousands of kisses on her head, paws, legs, body and ears. The only area we may have missed is her tail! In return, we’ve received as many, if not more, of what we call Coral Kisses – being licked on our hands, legs, feet and faces when we return home, when we wake up in the morning, and a host of other times.

Kissing vs. licking

Kissing and hugging are very important displays of affection among people, but clearly they are not in a dog’s behavioral repertoire. On the other hand, licking one another is important to dogs, but not something humans normally do! Because we love Coral so much, most of the time we don’t mind her licking. But depending on where, when, and for how long she chooses to deliver her licks to us, it can become annoying. In turn, we wonder if our kisses and hugs annoy her as well.

How can we tell?

Practically speaking, the best way to know how an animal feels is to observe her behavior. How will she behave if she enjoys our displays of affection? She should remain relaxed and not tense up. The ears should stay forward and the tail high. If Coral likes our kisses, for example, she shouldn’t move away and try to avoid being kissed. If we stop kissing her and she wants us to continue, we would expect her to move toward us and show a behavior that has worked in other contexts to get what she wants, such as pawing at us or leaning against us.

Coral rarely “asks” for more kisses. But she frequently asks for more petting by pawing at us, or just placing her paw on our arms if we stop stroking her. If we pair kissing the top of her head with massaging her ears, Coral will often move in closer to us, and position her head so we can more easily reach the back of her ears.

Many species of social animals — including dogs — lick other individuals they are attached to.

On the other hand, if our affectionate displays annoyed or frightened Coral, we’d expect completely different behaviors in response. We’d expect to see her tense up while being kissed, her eyes to get wide, her tail to go down, and her ears to go back. She might also move or duck away from us, as she does when she’s too busy to stay still and be petted.

Hugs can seem threatening

We have to admit, we also hug Coral. We do so gently, not tightly, so she is always free to escape from our arms if she wants to. Most dogs learn to accept or tolerate hugs from familiar individuals, but because they obviously don’t hug one another, it’s unlikely they recognize this as an affection behavior. In fact, just the opposite may be true.

Dogs sometimes bite children who try to hug them – especially children they don’t know well. For a dog, a hug can resemble the social threat of having another dog place his paws on or drape his neck overtop her shoulders. Dogs usually tell us they don’t like being hugged by using the postures we’ve already described – lowering their tails, pulling their ears back, tensing up, or trying to move away.

Being hugged is probably quite confusing for dogs. Why would their best friends, their family, all of a sudden attempt such a threatening gesture? When dogs are confused or uncertain in social situations, they display displacement behaviors. These are normal behaviors that are displaced out of their usual contexts. The most common canine displacement behaviors are lip licking and yawning. If a dog shows any of these behaviors when being hugged or kissed, it’s a clear sign to stop, because she not only doesn’t enjoy what you are doing, but could feel threatened enough to bite.

Find a common ground

Because dogs likely find at least some of our affectionate displays annoying or even frightening, what are the best ways to let them know we love them?

Dogs and people share some commonalities when it comes to how we behave toward individuals we are bonded to. Both dogs and people like to be close to those they love. Sitting next to each other on the couch, letting your dog sit in your lap or share your bed (contrary to popular dog training mythology, there is nothing inherently wrong with this!) are meaningful to both species. Spending time together and engaging in activities you both enjoy are also good. Touching is important too – it feels good to pet our dogs, and most dogs love it as well.

The best way to know how an animal feels is to observe her behavior.

Affiliative behaviors

It’s natural for both people and dogs to display their affection for one another with behaviors that are typical for their own species. Behaviorists usually use the term “affiliative behaviors” to describe gestures among individuals with a social bond.

Dogs will show canine-specific behaviors to demonstrate their affection, but their behaviors are different from the hugging, kissing and cuddling that people show to express their love.

• Many species of social animal – including dogs – lick other individuals they are attached to. This is called “allogrooming” and is likely one reason Coral licks us.
• Another very important affiliative behavior in dogs is simply being close to each other. Think about how often your dogs sleep curled next to one another – or to you. Following each other from place to place is another sign of social attachment. In our house, if Coral isn’t in the same room as us, she’s likely someplace where she can see us and monitor what we are doing.
• Play is another affiliative behavior that is used to create as well as maintain social bonds.

When we do use human gestures of affection that dogs don’t share, such as kissing and hugging, we must be sensitive to the dog’s reactions. Carefully monitor his body language for signs of anxiety, stress or defensiveness. Some dogs will be happier (and humans safer) if we find other ways to express our love. Play a game of fetch, take your dog for a walk or give her a gentle brushing. These are things most dogs enjoy – and giving them the things they want is the best way to express our affection!

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Thank you for your interest in writing for Animal Wellness. As the #1 natural health magazine for pets in North America, we take pride in providing our readers with the information they need to make wise health care choices for their animal companions. Our publication embraces the entire holistic spectrum, from physical health issues to the emotional and spiritual well being of our animals.

We welcome unsolicited articles and story outlines as long as they focus on holistic healing, whether physical, emotional or spiritual. Articles may range in length from 500 to 1,500 words. If you submit an outline for a story, please also send samples of your work.

Before submitting to Animal Wellness, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our publication so that you have a strong sense of the type of articles we publish. Consider topics you know well and/or that will offer special interest and appeal to our readers. Please ensure that any health facts or statistics that might appear in your article are accurate and come from an accredited source.

Please do not send multiple submissions (articles that have been sent to more than one publication) unless you have received confirmation that the story will not be used by another magazine. Although we prefer to use original material only, we do sometimes publish book excerpts. Do not, however, send book-length manuscripts.

You may submit articles either by our online contact form, or by mail to:

Animal Wellness Magazine 160 Charlotte Street, Suite 202

Peterborough, ON, Canada K9J 2T8.

Be sure to include your name, address, phone number, FAX number and/or e-mail address on your manuscript. A brief biographical sketch of yourself is also recommended. If you are sending your submission by regular mail, please also enclose a SASE and keep a copy of the article for your own files.

Photographs, where applicable, are also encouraged. They may be submitted either digitally (at 300dpi) or as prints or slides along with your manuscript. Make sure the photos are labeled and include your name, address and phone number. Every attempt is made to return photographic material, but it is advised that you keep copies of your images.

Our turnaround response time for submissions is four weeks. We pay for unlimited rights only. Unused material will be returned after due consideration.