Manipulation refers to strategies and behaviors a person uses to gain power or influence over another. These tactics often include attempts to damage another person's emotional and mental well-being.
Emotional manipulation affects the dynamics of a relationship. A manipulative person often engages in harmful behaviors over time, creating an imbalance of power. The impact can be devastating, leaving a person feeling confused, isolated, or even depressed.
Read on to learn more about emotional manipulation, as well as signs, causes, and how to cope. PixelsEffect / Getty Images Manipulative behavior includes actions a person uses to gain influence or control over someone else. These behaviors may include:
People who manipulate others may have difficulty identifying and expressing their wants and needs appropriately and healthily. Manipulative behavior can also serve other purposes. For instance, control and manipulation can help the manipulator by:
Emotional manipulation can feel like a person is playing mind games, because it can cause:
This helps the manipulator gain power over another individual and undermine their ability to think rationally.
Sadly, manipulation occurs more often than people think. While emotional manipulation and related tactics can be used in any type of relationship, data on intimate relationships provides some insight. One study revealed that 40% of women and 32% of men report expressive aggression in relationships, while 41% of women and 43% of men experience coercive control. Some tactics of emotional manipulation include comparing, lying, exaggerating, withholding important information or valuable items, and silence. Each of these behaviors can be detrimental to mental and emotional safety. Understanding tactics and signs, like the ones listed below, can help people spot them. Gaslighting is a tactic that causes a person to question their reality. This may involve a manipulator lying, denying things they've said, twisting facts, and using a person's words against them. Over time, this creates uncertainty and doubt, and can cause a person to second-guess their experiences. A person may use passive-aggressive statements or behaviors, which can lead to feelings of distress when the other person's behavior doesn't match their words.
An example of passive-aggressive behavior is when a person behaves as if they are upset or disappointed without directly communicating it.
These manipulation tactics help someone gain power by making others feel inadequate and inferior. A manipulator may make harmful and damaging statements about a person's appearance, personality, insecurities, circumstances, and more.
Blaming is a way of avoiding responsibility for one's words and actions. A manipulator may assign fault to the other party to keep the focus off of themselves. This can lead to feelings of guilt and misplaced responsibility.
To give themselves the upper hand, a manipulator may find ways to get someone out of their comfort zone or environment they are familiar with, which puts the other individual at a disadvantage. It can be disorienting to be in a strange environment and have someone exert control. This can lead to feelings of fear and powerlessness. It may seem easy to recognize emotional manipulation when it is happening to others, but challenging to see when you are in the midst of it yourself. The following are some signs of controlling or manipulative behavior:
Feeling like you're walking on eggshells or being afraid to speak up or address boundaries may be other signs a person is in an unhealthy situation. Every person is responsible for themselves and how they communicate with and treat others. It's important to remember that emotional manipulation is never the fault of the person on the receiving end of the behavior.
Here are some examples of statements a manipulator might make:
Some possible causes of manipulative behavior include:
Every person is in charge of their behavior and decisions. It is possible for people who use manipulative tactics to change their behavior. Some strategies to stop emotional manipulation may include:
Seeking professional support can help manipulators choose different paths. Therapy can be a safe space to explore thoughts, feelings, and behavior, learn to spot issues and develop communication, problem-solving, and relational skills. It may be hard to identify controlling and manipulative behaviors. While you can't prevent the behaviors—because you aren't responsible for them—you can take care of yourself to reduce the impact. While you may feel empathy for the other person, it's important to know that responses like arguing, criticizing, threatening, blaming yourself, and placating the manipulator may only empower them and perpetuate their behavior. In addition, these behaviors may provoke anger and intensify situations. Before addressing a concern with a manipulator, it's essential to make sure a person feels safe and able to do so. Consulting a trusted individual or professional can help assess the situation.
When a person seeking power and control begins to lose it, their behavior can escalate or become erratic. During this time, it’s vital to take care of yourself, ensure your own safety, and make decisions about what feels healthiest for you regarding the relationship.
The following are some ways to cope with manipulative people. To manage a manipulative partner, it's helpful to:
Taking care of yourself individually through counseling, support from loved ones, or self-care and stress management strategies can help with healing. Coping with an emotionally manipulative parent can be tough. Address your concerns calmly and concisely by sharing your perspective on what's happening and how it impacts the dynamic. Be upfront about what you need and how the relationship can be improved.
If needed, find a trusted individual who can help facilitate the conversation. Family therapy may be a resource to help families identify problems and improve relationships. To help manage manipulative behavior in a friendship, be clear about what you need in the relationship and provide helpful solutions to improve the situation. You get to decide what your boundaries are and have the freedom to say "no" if something doesn't feel right. Remember, you can always choose to end a friendship or any other kind of relationship if it doesn't feel healthy for you. Addressing manipulative behavior in the workplace can be particularly challenging, especially if you fear you are risking losing your job and your livelihood. But it's important to have an honest conversation about the impact of the behavior and how it impacts you in the workplace.
If you are unable to resolve the issue amongst yourselves, it may be time to inform a supervisor or manager.
If possible, you can contact your Human Resources (HR) representative to get guidance on how to approach or navigate the situation. This may be a good place to start if the concern is with your boss or a professional relationship in which there is a power difference. Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being. These behaviors are common and can occur in different relationships, including platonic, romantic, familial, and professional. Resources and support are available for people who want to change their behavior or are healing from their relationship with a manipulator.
It can be hard to spot emotional manipulation. Healing from a relationship in which controlling or manipulative tactics were used can also be difficult. Recognizing the signs of manipulation can help you begin to identify if a situation feels unhealthy or unsafe for you. Establishing boundaries, developing effective communication skills, and seeking support from loved ones or a trusted professional are helpful ways to take care of yourself. If you use these tactics and want to change your behavior, you can start by seeking out a mental health professional. Frequently Asked Questions
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