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Asking for a leave from work for a family issue can be a daunting and uncertain process. Even if there is no process or precedent, it is possible to reach an agreement for extended leave — and make it work for you, your company, and even for your boss and coworkers. Whether your need for leave is anticipated and planned for or a demand that arises unexpectedly, you can negotiate a leave by learning about your company and its policies and culture, and understanding what your boss knows about you and your contributions. There are three phases of extended leave negotiations: preparation, negotiation, and implementation. In the preparation stage, you’ll get ready for the negotiation stage by reflecting on your goals and gathering information on existing policies and precedents. The negotiation stage in part depends on your relationship with your boss. When your relationship is good and the trust between you is high, the negotiation process can be easier. If your relationship with your boss isn’t great, it’s not uncommon to shop around for internal opportunities that would allow you to report to a manager you think would be more supportive. The third and final stage is to take your leave. How your leave is actually implemented and the relationships you maintain during it will shape whether it realizes the goals you had for it. Implementation also shapes the leave’s benefits and costs for you in the long term.
Whether a family member is facing a health issue where they require your assistance, you want to go back to school, or you need to step back from work for another personal reason, lots of people negotiate leaves. Asking for a leave can be daunting, especially when there is no clear process in place at your organization. How will your boss respond? What is company policy? Can you ask for only a few weeks or a month off, or is it possible to take a year? How will this affect your career in the organization? Extended leaves are part and parcel of what are known in academia as idiosyncratic deals (i-deals, for short), special conditions of employment granted to an individual employee that differ from what their coworkers have. Having researched special deals like extended leaves for 20 years, I know it’s possible to reach an agreement for extended leave — and make it work for you, your company, and even for your boss and coworkers. There are two primary types of leave requests: extended leaves you can anticipate and plan for and unplanned requests in response to sudden family demands. The biggest difference between the two is whether you have time to prepare to negotiate. Two important features of negotiating a leave are what you can learn about your company and its policies and culture before you ask, and what your company and, especially your boss, knows about you and your contributions. Putting this information together forms the building blocks of a negotiation process. When There’s Time to Plan Your Leave Request: Three Phases of the NegotiationLet’s talk about the three phases of extended leave negotiations — preparation, negotiation, and implementation. PrepareThe critical first step of leave negotiation is prep. Get yourself ready by reflecting on your goals and gathering information.
NegotiateWith a clear goal and information on policies and precedents, you’re ready to talk to your boss. When your relationship is good and the trust between you is high, the negotiation process is easier and can be more of a conversation framed around solving a problem. If your relationship with your boss isn’t great, it’s not uncommon to shop around for internal opportunities that would allow you to report to a manager you think would be more supportive.
Take Your LeaveHow your leave is actually implemented and the relationships you maintain during it will shape whether it realizes the goals you had for it. Implementation also shapes the leave’s benefits and costs for you in the long term.
When Your Need for Leave Is a Surprise — Even to YouWhat if you are blindsided by a family need? Let’s say a grandparent comes down with a serious illness and needs full-time care or your child’s daycare closes suddenly. In the case of an unanticipated need for extended leave, the request process will be shorter — you will make your request using the information you have in hand. But even without a ton of notice or prep, you can make a request that clearly states your need and why your organization should support it.
What If the Answer Is No?What is your best alternative if you are not granted a leave of absence? Recall the goal of your leave and consider how you might still meet it in some way. Do you need to quit? Shortchange your home responsibilities? Shelve your novel project for a better, later time? Or burn yourself out working extra hours in every arena of your life to meet your personal and professional commitments? If your leave request is not granted and reduced hours won’t help you meet your goal, pivot and lobby for the flexibility you need — “no” can sometimes mean “maybe.” You can also escalate to look for support elsewhere — from HR or senior leaders. The latter option has some political risks, so be savvy about who to talk with and how your request can be a win-win. Last, you can offer to quit. This is a card you probably can only play once a job, but if getting an extended leave really is important to you, this can give you leverage — or provide evidence that this isn’t the best employer for you. Consider how you frame quitting. “I am sorry to say this, but I might have to quit this job” is very different from “If I don’t get leave, I am out of here!” If this is your last resort, try to introduce this last, most dire option in a way that will preserve your reputation and your relationship with your boss, coworkers, and the organization. Everyone Needs a Leave SometimeAsking for what you need is a life skill — on the job, at home, in any realm of your life. Negotiating and joint problem solving are the best way forward to realizing your goals. It is normal to craft your work situation much as you do your home life: to meet your needs and build good relationships. In your daily interactions at work, you are gathering intelligence about how the organization functions, what others care about, and your own goals and concerns. You can put that intelligence to use — whether you anticipate needing a leave or the need for leave finds you.
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