Why is buying a house so stressful reddit

Its pretty much the title, buying a house and the idea of such a large financial commitment is scary! Rent seems manageable for some reason but owing money for such a long time to a degree scares me! Anyone else ever felt like that? I know this is part of the reason the fire community talk about emergency funds which i will be aggressively building... anyhow, just wanted to see if it was just me....

You can be in a fantastic position, have all your things in order, have done everything right, and still not close!

Wife and I, make double the household income for our area, have 35k in cash separate from investments, and excellent credit. But now we are being dicked around by the appraiser.

First he is arguing he doesn't like how the house is classified (guest home included, but on a separate meter) now he doesn't feel there's enough comps in the area so he is taking his sweet time (been 2 weeks since I paid him) and everyone is expecting the appraisal to be low.

If this was only 2 weeks of emotional investment ok, no big deal, but this almost 45 days in. Two months being scrutinized, accounts poured over, pay stubs poured over, jobs contacted, having a $30 spending limit so no going out, no grocery shopping, borrowing credit cards to pay bills.

So you got being under the microscope then to add such ridiculous reasons to hurt appraisals. We are moving into the good section of the bad town, instead of the bad section of the rich town. It really boils me that a 50k foreclosure sale is affecting my 1 acre with a damn guest house. Can someone really not look at that and see it's completely different?

It was good to vent, thought maybe others on this sub might be able to commiserate with the pressure you get put through. We went from being so much of a lock the mortgage broker didn't even file all our accounts bc of how good of a shape we are in to this appraiser miffed by getting paid single family but having to look at 2 structures is going to torch your deal.

Is it normal to be this nervous about buying you first home?

Im 23 and I put an offer on a place and I got an agreement for 10,000$ less asking price. It's in a city 30 minutes away from a major hub and has been expanding a lot. I'm putting a 30% down payment and leaving myself a lot of wiggle room. It's 400$ cheaper a month than my rent when I was given a quote my broker gave me. It's 16 years old so not a whole bunch is probably wrong with it. (I will know more when I get the inspection in a couple of day) I'm a carpenter by trade so I can do a lot of work myself. My question is why am I so nervous about this I checked out this place 3 times. I spent the whole summer looking at places multiple time so this one must have struck something with me. I know my situation probably sounds way better than most but I still ask myself, "am I making the right choice" does anyone have any advice? I think I need some grounding.

I apologize for my long winded post. I’m not sure what I’m really aiming for. I guess I just wanted to share my experiences because I feel like I don’t have much people to open up to. I’m one of the first home owners in my group of friends. My family always had new builds and maintenance was always a background thought.

I guess I feel scared, and I just wanted to vent to anyone who’d want to listen, and say whatever. Positive, negative, anything. I’ve been alone in my new home and all I’m doing is thinking negative thoughts anyways. I guess someone to listen and to offer guidance (no sugar coating; positive or negative) is what I’m looking for. Or maybe someone who’s been in my shoes who was able to grow from this.

Since 2018, I’ve been working a lot of overtime, working on personal finances/budgeting, and stacking up my down payment and cash in general. When Covid hit, I was fortunate enough to be allowed to WFH and was slammed with even more work. My industry changed, and a good enough majority of those in my field are WFH forever. Due to this, I was able to stay with friends and family since 2020 and really stack up my cash. This was not ideal, as I really value my personal space and independence, but I wanted to take advantage of an opportunity for me to really catch up on funds. I told myself this was my payback for my reckless spending in my young-mid 20s: keep head down and work the OT, save rent money and stay with family/friends.

Fast forward, I just closed on a 2007 build townhome in a up and coming town mid April for 325k. It was appraised FHA (from a prior buyer who couldn’t secure financing) and appraised by my conventional lender for 325k. This is an area where people are flocking into, and has the best school district in the state (won’t say which state but it’s a small state).

I wasn’t able to get an inspection contingency as part of my offer, and so I took a leap of faith that I would be okay and that there wouldn’t be any structural issues. The day after closing, my inspector came and ran all the systems. We found relatively minor but annoying issues: bathroom’s p trap was leaky; furnace’s flue pipe has a small leak; condenser coils are really dirty, kitchen sink is leaking when running, washer is dirty (discovered only after running water and seeing particles), washer fill hose/valve leaking, seller used a very flat paint all throughout—so water stains shows up every where if we’re not careful, two toilets flapper seat went bad, water heater pressure pipe leaking, missing vent covers, hairline vertical crack in stucco, etc.

My inspector essentially summed up that for no inspection contigency, I did good as there weren’t any structural issues, and that most of what we’re seeing are typical home ownership maintenance.

Over the next few days, I had folks come in to do maintenance, fix leaks, even replace my water heater. I still haven’t even quite moved in yet as I jut find it hard to bring in furniture and settle down when I have ppl coming in/out.

And now the feeling of what I think buyers remorse is sinking in. Being alone here I have all this space to think and talk to myself, and it hasn’t been very positive. Granted, I have heard of horror stories of other buyers who purchased their home and had a exploding pipe, etc, major issues. But it’s hard for me to shake this remorse feeling off. It’s that feeling of transitional growth/pain—we’ve all experienced this in our lives and eventually the burden feels like a feather. But this homeownership stuff.. man is it heavy.

I try to remind myself why I’m choosing to be a homeowner. That I believed I could be ready, and I just need time to adjust and learn. That this isn’t my forever home, and that I would try to rent it out in 1-2 years perhaps. That it was time for me to become uncomfortable and grow again in a new chapter of my life. That all issues I have, are all fixable. That I can always sell if I realize this just isn’t for me.

But a lot of negative thoughts still sift through my mind. To be honest, I’ve actually broken down and cried multiple times. I’ve been really good at living on my own as a renter. I take good maintenance care of my car. But I’ve never had such a big responsibility of taking care of a home. I realized, that I’m incredibly spoiled. Things I knew were normal maintenance hitting me all at once, feels really shocking and heavy to me. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a homeowner. These thoughts permeate through my mind:

“What if this purchase is a mistake?”

“What if this home is a money pit?”

“I missed minor but annoying details, what if there’s something else wrong?”

“I’m not as brave as I thought I would be”

“If I can’t handle the pressures of a homeowner, how could I be a landlord?”

“What if my future tenants wreck my place?”

“Would I have been smarter staying at home and continuing to stack cash?”

“I understand why people choose to rent. I understand why people choose to buy condos/coops”

“This feels like a bad dream. I want to wake up and go back to my comfort zone. I don’t want to be a homeowner anymore”

“What if I crack and sell in 1 year and take a loss on my money?”

“What if I crack and try to sell in 5 years, and the market collapses and I still lose money”

“What is the right way forward?”

I don’t know how I’m going to feel next week, month, or year. I just know right now it feels heavy and I can’t pull myself back together and piece together perspectives. Before buying a home, I told myself I have to buy asap before I’m priced out. Now that I’m in, I feel like I want out. I feel weak, incompetent, and scared. I feel disappointed that I don’t feel brave or happy of a new chapter in my life with new challenges.

Will this pass? Will I come out okay no matter which way I go (Live in, rent out, sell)? Idk. I’m just scared.

Thank you for listening.