Why cant people understand me

I seem to run into this issue almost constantly. I’ve developed the habit of speaking very quietly, especially when around many people (which the issue is amplified by the fact that there’s a greater volume of noise floating around). I have a dreadful fear of being wrong; really not a good fear to have as I’ve come to realize it hampers potential social and intellectual growth. This fear is only present in social situations where the learning would come about via another person’s correction; I take no issue with being wrong and exploring alternatives on my own. This is probably due to a vast ocean that has accumulated from people throwing cold water in my face at different times. So, I’ve developed the habit of speaking quietly as a defense against potential assaults on what I say, especially when the attack could come from many fronts. I know that I should not bind my esteem to ideas I put forth and should rather just pursue the idea for the sake of an ideal. This would be fine, however I have noticed, and increasingly so with age and greater complexity, that when I attempt to put words to a thought the meaning is usually lost because I don’t establish a context to what it is that I say. So, when I say something I will have in mind a set of premises surrounding an idea and will make a statement that is sort a convergence of these premises without actually providing a large set of the information that’s in my mind. Basically I make an attempt at providing a sound bit version of what’s going on in my mind and often miss the mark. I probably wouldn’t be as opposed to voicing my thoughts if i were actually putting forward the thought I was intending to in a clear and concise manner. It’s either this or long winded rambling of different structural components of my idea and hoping that the connections are evident.

I also find myself saying the wrong thing all together, like ill replay back what I said in my head attempting to look at it while disregarding the priorly mention premises I have in mind, only to realize I’ve used wrong words or am missing words completely; but oh well such is my life. To be honest, I’m sure this doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense.

Last edited by lambrisprime on 22 Apr 2011, 11:40 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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lambrisprime wrote:

I seem to run into this issue almost constantly. I’ve developed the habit of speaking very quietly, especially when around many people (which the issue is amplified by the fact that there’s a greater volume of noise floating around). I have a dreadful fear of being wrong; really not a good fear to have as I’ve come to realize it hampers potential social and intellectual growth. This fear is only present in social situations where the learning would come about via another person’s correction; I take no issue with being wrong and exploring alternatives on my own. This is probably due to a vast ocean that has accumulated from people throwing cold water in my face at different times.So, I’ve developed the habit of speaking quietly as a defense against potential assaults on what I say, especially when the attack could come from many fronts. I know that I should not bind my esteem to ideas I put forth and should rather just pursue the idea for the sake of an ideal. This would be fine, however I have noticed, and increasingly so with age and greater complexity, that when I attempt to put words to a thought the meaning is usually lost because I don’t establish a context to what it is that I say. So, when I say something I will have in mind a set of premises surrounding an idea and will make a statement that is sort a convergence of these premises without actually providing a large set of the information that’s in my mind. Basically I make an attempt at providing a sound bit version of what’s going on in my mind and often miss the mark. I probably wouldn’t be as opposed to voicing my thoughts if i were actually putting forward the thought I was intending to in a clear and concise manner. It’s either this or long winded rambling of different structural components of my idea and hoping that the connections are evident.

ya I can concur with all that you have said- I find the more people I am talking to at one point the more difficult it is to talk. One one one I am a little better.

Like if my mom is not home I can talk to my dad better, if my dad is not home I can talk to my mom better. The simple fact of having to different input/ouput recepters from two people can make a whole world of difference to me. Multiply that by three or 4 or 5 or even more.....then I just go silent and would prefer not to talk at all as that is too many people intercepting and interpreting what i have to say in so many ways that it just boggles the mind completely.

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As children, I couldn't really tell them apart, but I also had trouble telling not identical children apart, some of whom weren't even siblings. I've also had weird issues seeing particular actors separately (the ones that come to mind are George Clooney and Tom Sizemore during the 90s, Tim Curry and Eddie Izzard over the past few years) and actually having to stop and work out if who I am seeing is who I think I am seeing. Looking at pictures of twins, they don't tend to look identical to me, but my only exposure to teen or adult twins lately has been movies and television, and the instances I remember most clearly were an episode of Buffy in which Nicholas Brendan's brother, Kelly Donavan was on camera next to Nicholas, both portraying Xander. In that instance I seem to recall they looked pretty similar but that was the intent, I think. Otherwise, the two do not really look all that similar outside of deliberate attempts at similarity.

So I guess I do not know if I have issues with recognizing twins as twins. I do have some oddities with regards to recognizing people, though.

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Hahaha mental wards... yeah... Three times, Springfield Hospital, Southwest London. Joy of joys. It wasn't too bad the first and second times. The first time I was generally "out of it" for the first few days, but then I opened up a bit. There were a couple of schoolteachers, a classroom with some computers, and the rooms weren't too bad (except for the oldest one, which the window had been painted badly so that it had a permanent gap... bad thing in the winter when the -5 Celsius air kept coming in). Although the bath was a bit disgusting sometimes. The first time I spent a lot of time playing Tetris, doing maths, reading, listening to music and, towards the end of my stay, walking around Tooting with my Mum. The third time... *screams* I came in after literally trying to kill myself in front of quite a few people, and not really meaning to kill myself; I was in the middle of some psychotic episode of some sort. I was taken in my my psychiatrist, voluntarily initially (well, yeah, I JUST DIDN'T PUT UP ANY RESISTANCE lol). But on the third day, after being restrained about 7 times in 2 days, I was sectioned (section 2 - 28 days) I was sent to a secure wards. The worst restraint (and this does not include straps and all that s**t, it just includes varying numbers of nurses grabbing all your limbs and pinning you to the ground) was for 6 1/2 hours, but that's probably because I just wouldn't stop trying to get out of that stupid room. I can't even remember what happened during that anyway... Too traumatic. The secure ward was a s**thole; I didn't have a bath for two weeks because I was worried about the colonies of microorganisms on the sides of the bath. There was nothing to do there (unlike the general adolescent ward) and I was only sent there after I ALLEGEDLY tried to strange a doctor in the adolescent ward. I stayed at the ADULT secure ward for two weeks, having to deal with the guy across the corridor who seemed to have the mindset of a paedophile, and also having my arm twisted back behind my back in all my restraints. I was then moved to an adolescent secure ward, which was privately-funded (the NHS had been looking for funds for me to go there, and yes, it took two weeks for them to find funds lol). That ward was rather nice, and by then, I was much better. Although the only problem about that ward is that I did not get a single breath of fresh air for two weeks there. Which is not as bad as some, but at least most psych wards these days have courtyards! I got to use the gym once, YAY. lol. Psych wards are sometimes really beneficial, and I have had minor institutionalisation problems before, but sometimes they do quite the opposite (i.e. secure ward in Surrey). But I definitely can say that I have never, in real life, seen a straightjacket, straps, or any other such restraint devices. And I have also never, in real life (this excludes TV!), seen a room with padded walls. Although one thing that I did get quite acquitanted with is the lorazepam 2mg injection. The lorazepam 1mg pill and the oral diazepam stuff was always so easy to spit out, I found. But then, the nurses realised that too!

w0w that was long... sorry.

Last edited by SteelMaiden on 12 Aug 2007, 2:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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I appreciate the feedback. About schizoaffective and Aspie being mutually exclusive, I'm not entirely sure my daughter's dx of schizoaffective is even accurate. The part of the country I'm from, and where she still lives, some of those doctors just don't know what the bleep they're talking about, especially the ones you go to when you don't have any money. I'll have to double check the DSM-IV for the symptoms, but she doesn't hallucinate or have delusions or anything like that. Both of us have also been misdiagnosed in the past as bipolar. I'm working through a therapy clubhouse to return to work. I've got enough diagnoses already to qualify for disability benefits, and I was on SSI until I got married to my husband, who makes enough money that I don't qualify financially anymore. On one hand, another label might not change things situationally, but it might change the way I treat myself, and the effectiveness of it. Bipolar disorder has now been removed as a diagnosis of mine. The ones I do have are: 1. Major depressive disorder. (That's where the misdiagnosis came in. If I ever did go hypomanic, it was a med reaction, as it turns out, and not something my brain would do on its own.) 2. Borderline personality disorder. 3. PTSD. My husband seeks no diagnosis since his problems don't interfere with his ability to earn a living. However, he does attend therapy with me sometimes, myself as the identified patient and he as a family member, although he benefits from the therapy as well. Our HMO doesn't do couples counseling, but gets around it that way. And he won't go into therapy for just himself. Oh well, if he's gotten this far in life without it, then it's not vital. Me, I couldn't function normally without meds and therapy. He can, so more power to him. However, I think it would be nice for the two of us to know for sure. It would help us to understand ourselves and each other, and make a difference in how we relate, and what we expect of each other.

I took the online test that many of you have taken, and I scored "very likely." My scores were about the same as those of the poster above me. I definitely plan to mention this to my therapist and my psychiatrist. And, although hubby doesn't care about the formal label, after I told him about the test, he is curious and would like to take it as well.

Last edited by LovebirdsFlying on 22 Apr 2011, 8:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Well, sometimes I have second thoughts. Every person has something to complain about. Even millionaires do. You don't find many people who are completely happy in every way. The happiest person I've ever met in my life is my mum's friend's 26-year-old son, who just lives in a wheelchair and can't say anything except just a few words, and he does have a mind of a 1-year-old baby. He laughs with joy when we go round to see him, and he gives you a cuddle and loves people making a fuss over him. The more people make a fuss of him the more he gets very, very happy, and when people aren't making a fuss of him he is still happy. He just sits and plays with toy motorbikes all the time. He gets especially excited when a motorbike passes him, or if an aeroplane flies above him, ect. He is probably the most happiest adult I have ever met, and he never, ever cries either (he doesn't have any emotion except excitement). But every NT I have ever met have their mood swings all the time. I mean, I always wished I could be like my 19-year-old cousin, who is a really confident NT with lots of mates and enjoys parties, ect. But she is so miserable a lot of the times, and speaks rotten to her mother, and is very selfish. She never has money to herself either, because she always spends it on parties, alcohol, make-up, clothes, and going on outings and holidays with her mates, and her mother gets really annoyed with her and even says to my mum that she wishes she had a daughter like me – who doesn’t go out with friends enough or shopping to spend all my money away. Instead I am careful with it, and without too much social pressure I can give myself time to think more of what to do with my money. And I often look at my cousin and think, ''I would be in my glory to have a social mind like hers! Not miserable and rude!'' But then I think that if I did have a social mind like that, I would take it for granted so much that I would never appreciate it.

My Nan is very good at giving advice, and she always says to me that wishing to be what you ain't is human nature. Most humans always look at other people and admire them and wish they were them or wish they were like them.