How to get my cat to cuddle with me

When a cuddly cat curls up in your lap, kneading and purring, or rests his head on your chest, it's a moment of pure peace and love. If you have a kitten, you're likely wondering how to raise your kitten to be cuddly. It all starts with handling the kitten frequently, bonding, and spending a lot of time together.

The sooner you handle and play with your kitten, the greater chance you have of raising a tame and cuddly cat. This is especially true of feral kittens whose parents are setting a wilder example for them. The best time to start taming a kitten is around four to eight weeks, aiming for the younger end of that range if possible.1

Around this age, kittens start discovering their personalities, playing with their siblings, and weaning from their mothers. Use feeding time as an opportunity to interact with them. Kittens are learning new things and forming their impressions of the world, so be sure they have a positive impression of humans.

Pet and Play With Your Kitten Frequently

Even if you weren't around when your kitten was four to eight weeks old, you can still raise your kitten to be cuddly and snuggly. It all starts by handling your kitten a lot—just be gentle. Pet your kitten and lightly squeeze and snuggle her.

Every cat has different body parts that are more sensitive than others, so while petting her, try to figure out where she's not comfortable being petted and avoid that area. Often, cats are more sensitive on their bellies. Other cats may be sensitive if their hind legs are touched. Some cats, especially if they are a little older, may not like being petted near a joint. Some love to be petted under the chin, and others are very sensitive there.

The key is to figure out where your kitten prefers to be petted and focus your attention there. Of course, you also want to approach your kitten slowly. Offer your hand for her to sniff before you pet her. Some cats may dislike the smell of certain moisturizers or soaps, so pay attention to whether your kitten shies away when you've put on a particular scent.

Many cats will have an initial aversion to your touching their paws. This is perfectly natural, but not ideal if you plan on clipping their claws. See if you can train this out of your cat by gently handling her paws from time to time. This will increase trust between the two of you and can be helpful when handling your cat in the future.

You want to play with your kitten a lot in order to grow your bond and help socialize your cat. This can include chasing a feather wand or other interactive toy around the house or even clicker training your cat. The more time you spend together, the closer you'll be. Plus, a cat that doesn't have a lot of pent-up energy is more likely to want to cuddle.

Confident Kittens Can Be More Cuddly

A kitten that is more confident and secure will likely be more open to cuddling. You can help by providing spaces your cat "owns," like cat window perches, trees, and condos.

For kittens, the Mother's Heartbeat Heated Kitty Pet Bed with Heart Pillow can help calm stress and nervousness, leading to a more confident kitten. The set includes a heated bed and a heartbeat device that helps kittens transition better to their new homes.

Try having friends over so your kitten gets used to meeting new people at a young age. A cat that is confident around people is more likely to want close human interaction.

Give Your Cat Rituals and Traditions to Enjoy

Cats love rituals,2 and the greater your bond is with your cat, the more likely he'll become cuddly. So set up some traditions your cat looks forward to every day. This can include a special way you and your cat greet each other whenever you come home. Or maybe every morning when you get up, you can crack open an exterior door or window just a little so your cat can smell the outside world. Then you give your cat a treat. Or perhaps at the same time every day, your cat chases you around the house while you carry a wand toy with a tiny stuffed mouse at the end. Whatever the tradition is, it can help strengthen your bond.

Cats Are More Likely to Cuddle When It's Cooler

It may sound a little silly, but your cat is far more likely to want to be cuddly and lie on you if your house is a little cooler. Cats are more likely to seek out your lap in the winter when they're feeling cold. This is also why your cat is more likely to sleep on you at night. If you'd like to offer your kitty a warm place to sleep when she's not snuggling with you, check out the Thermo-Water Bolster Bed. This bed uses a warm, water-filled mattress and super plush bolster for the utmost in comfort and warmth for your cat.

Some people have reported success with luring their cats near them with a treat. But this can have varying results. Some cats get excited and energetic when a treat is near, so they won't be interested in cuddling at all.

Remember, every cat's personality is different. Some kittens will be naturally cuddly and always want to snuggle in your lap and follow you from room to room. Others may be more independent but still desire pets when they're not adventuring. Celebrate your cat's unique quirks and make sure to give that little furball lots of cuddles and scritches.

1. Phillips, Mike. "The Best Age for Taming Feral Kittens." Animal Alliance New York City, 1 May 2013, http://www.animalalliancenyc.org/wordpress/2013/05/the-best-age-for-taming-feral-kittens.

2. Petful. "How to Bond with Your Cat (And Get Them to Be More Affectionate)," Petful.com, 1 May 2020, https://www.petful.com/behaviors/getting-cat-more-affectionate/.

One of the signature things about cats is their independent personalities. Unlike dogs, cats are relatively solitary and do not gush love onto their owners or guardians. While this may frustrate cat owners who seek the love and attention of their little friends, there are many ways to get more attention from your cat. One of the best ways to do so is to turn your cat into a lap cat. However, since cats are so independent, this may take time. Fortunately, by enticing your cat to sit on your lap, watching your own behavior, and raising your cat appropriately, you’ll begin to turn your cat into a lap cat.

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   Turn off distractions. Before taking steps to bond with your cat, you should consider turning off any distractions that may scare or startle your cat. By turning off distractions, you’ll help create an environment in which you and your cat will be able to bond.

   • Place your phone on silent.
   • Turn off your TV or music.
   • Inform your family, friends, or roommates that you’d like your home to be a calmer environment for an hour or so.[1] X Research source Go to source

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   Let your cat come to you. After you’ve created a calming environment, you should sit down somewhere and let your cat come to you. This is important, since lap cats are defined by the fact that they want to be around their caretakers.

   • Pick a place that is comfortable for you and your cat. A comfy spot is important, since comfort often translates to your ability to relax.
   • Read a book or otherwise engage in a quiet activity.
   • Don’t chase your cat down. Chasing your cat down will only alienate them.
   • Allow your cat to leave, if they want to leave.[2] X Research source Go to source

3. 3

   Provide positive reinforcement. A great way to enhance a bonding experience with your cat is to make it double rewarding for them. By providing a reward for sitting on your lap, you’ll build a positive association for your cat.

   • Give your cat a treat when they sit on your lap.
   • Consider stuffing your pockets with catnip or some other treat or scent that your cat likes.
   • Pat or rub your cat in a way that they like when they sit on your lap.
   • Repeat phrases like "good kitty" when your cat sits on your lap.[3] X Research source Go to source

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   Stay calm. One of the best ways to train your cat to be a lap cat is by providing a calm presence. By being calm, you’ll signal to your cat that you won’t harm or threaten them. Make sure to:

   • Relax and try to not be tense.
   • Avoid breathing quickly. Try to take slow and deliberate breaths. Fast breathing will signal that you’re nervous, and your cat may avoid you.
   • Don’t move quickly. If you make sudden movements, you’ll scare your cat.[4] X Research source Go to source

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   Maintain positive body language. In order to get your cat to be a lap cat, you’ve got to maintain positive body language. By maintaining positive body language, you’ll send the signal to your cat that you’re nonthreatening, you’re a positive force, and you’re someone they want to be around.

   • Don’t interact with your cat when you are angry or visibly unhappy.
   • Avoid standing in a threatening manner. Don’t cross your arms, hunch over, or have a tense posture.
   • Hold an inviting or open stance. Make sure your arms are open, and your back and shoulders are upright.[5] X Research source Go to source

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   Avoid staring at your cat. The way you look at your cat will set the tone of your interactions. If you stare at your cat, you’ll signal that you’re either a predator or you’re trying to intimidate them.

   • Don’t hold your glance on your cat for more than a few seconds.
   • Depending on your cat’s demeanor, it might help to avert your eyes if your cat is approaching you. Looking away will signal that you’re not a threat.[6] X Research source Go to source

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   Avoid harsh discipline. The single best way to alienate your cat from you is to deal out harsh discipline. By disciplining your cat harshly, you’ll send the signal that you are a threat. As a result, your cat won’t want to sit on your lap – or even be close to you.

   • Never hit your cat.
   • Don’t yell at or scold your cat.
   • Embrace behavior modification. Reward your cat with treats for good behavior. Hold back treats for bad behavior. For instance, give your cat a treat if they use the litter box instead of peeing on a chair. [7] X Trustworthy Source The Humane Society of the United States National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare Go to source

2. 2

   Show affection to your cat regularly. If you show your cat affection on a daily basis, you’ll build a solid foundation for turning your cat into a lap cat.

   • Whenever your cat approaches you for petting or for love, offer it to them.
   • Talk to your cat and say things like "I love you!" whenever appropriate.
   • Invite your cat to sit with you or to come to you by making noises like "Psssh psssh psssh!" [8] X Research source Go to source

3. 3

   Provide attention and care for your cat. Perhaps the most important way to turn your cat into a lap cat is to act as a responsible guardian and caretaker for your cat. By acting as a responsible caretaker, your cat will learn to rely on you. As a result, your cat will naturally view you in an affectionate manner.

   • Feed your cat regularly. When feeding your cat, talk to them and say things like "good kitty" or "good kitty is hungry!"
   • Provide water.
   • Provide scratching posts, cat perches, and more.[9] X Research source Go to source

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   Play with your cat. One of the best ways to turn your cat into a lap cat is to play with them a lot. By playing with your cat, you’ll build a positive relationship. Your cat will learn to view you as not just a guardian, but also a friend.

   • Play interactive games with your cat. You may to try a fishing pole teaser toy.
   • Buy stuffed toy mice and stuff them with catnip.
   • Consider any toys or games that your cat may like.[10] X Research source Go to source

This article was co-authored by Pippa Elliott, MRCVS. Dr. Elliott, BVMS, MRCVS is a veterinarian with over 30 years of experience in veterinary surgery and companion animal practice. She graduated from the University of Glasgow in 1987 with a degree in veterinary medicine and surgery. She has worked at the same animal clinic in her hometown for over 20 years. This article has been viewed 73,688 times.

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 73,688 times.

• "Overall this whole page was very useful and gave me many tips that I could use. For example: "Don't stare at your cat when it's in your lap". That was a very helpful thing for me to use on my cat."

• 

  "What can I say? Within minutes, my cat was happily sitting on my lap for the first time. She's five years old and I've had her since the minimum legal age of kitten seperation from their parents."

• "This article has helped me understand that not all cats are lap cats - and that's OK!"

• 

  "My cat seems so much happier! Thanks!"

• "Very cool! My cat loves me now!"

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