Why do managers avoid giving feedback?

Management expert Ken Blanchard once said that “feedback is the breakfast of champions”. What he probably meant is that meaningful feedback can make the difference between mediocrity and greatness. Without quality feedback, employees don’t know how to improve.

But feedback can only help employees improve when it’s constructive. Before we discuss how to give constructive feedback, let’s talk about what that really means.

Constructive feedback aims to build the individual up, rather than break them down. Does that mean always focusing on giving positive feedback? Not at all. What it does mean is that feedback is only constructive when it’s provided with the right approach. When you manage to provide constructive feedback, you’ll see employees grow and flourish.

The Mistakes That Result in Ineffective Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback in the workplace isn’t quite as easy as it seems. Fragile egos, miscommunication, and poor timing are just some of the challenges of giving feedback. These challenges can easily stand in the way of giving and receiving feedback that supports employees’ growth.

Let’s take a closer look at the specific mistakes you’re probably making in your approach to feedback, and some feedback tips for managers to correct them.

1. Making feedback too personal

Too often, managers approach problems with an employee’s performance as being problems with the employee themselves, rather than skill or process issues. For example, a manager might say “you handled that meeting with Adam poorly, your immaturity made our department look incompetent”. Could you blame the employee for being insulted in this situation?

Instead, managers should focus on the actions and their consequences, rather than the person. Constructive negative feedback is as objective as possible and focuses on corrective action.

For example, the manager in the above example could rather say “it’s clear that you were upset by what Adam said in the meeting. While I understand you’re passionate about the project, it’s important that we keep our communication with other departments professional if we want them to take our opinions seriously.

Next time, try taking a deep breath and writing down your thoughts. If you feel comfortable saying them calmly, do, otherwise, put them in an email after the meeting”.

2. Making feedback too impersonal

In the above example of providing feedback to employees, we see that personal attacks have no place in constructive feedback. Unfortunately, though, some managers tend to overcorrect to avoid personal accusations.

Sometimes managers will provide feedback for the team, instead of individuals. The manager may tell the sales team “we underperformed by 25% this month. The team needs to improve its negotiation skills if we’re going to meet our quarterly target”.

What are individual employees supposed to do with this feedback? Some of them may identify with the need to improve negotiation skills, but other employees won’t, and won’t know how to improve their performance.

Individual performance influences team performance, but improvements can only happen at the individual level. Any guidelines about how to give constructive feedback will emphasize this idea: start with the individual.

Managers need to understand the factors influencing each employee’s performance and identify specific measures for improvement. This can be time-consuming and requires experienced managers, but it’s well worth it in the end!

3. “Sandwich-ing” negative feedback

Many managers outright avoid negative feedback. Instead, they adopt the “sandwich” method. This relies on placing negative feedback between positive feedback. The manager might say something like “the team loves your energy and bubbly personality. Some team members find that you talk too much at your desk and that’s distracting. But overall, we just love having you around”.

Now, clearly, this manager has tried to cushion the blow. But it’s possible to cushion the blow so much that the only feedback the employee hears is the positive type. Sugar coating a bitter pill is only effective if the employee understands that they’re receiving constructive negative feedback, too. Otherwise, you may as well be handing them M&Ms.

So, how do you avoid the sandwich trap without being unkind? Clarity is kindness. Start with the negative feedback, keep it constructive, and provide praise separately. For example, the manager should keep “some employees find you talking at your desk distracting” and “your bubbly personality contributes to our team” as separate points of discussion.

Why do managers avoid giving feedback?

4. Playing armchair psychologist

Some of the most uncomfortable examples of providing feedback to employees involve the manager using their insight into the employee to guess the motives behind their behavior.

It’s all too tempting to tell an employee who isn’t delivering on deadline that you think they’re behind “because of issues at home”. Now, this doesn’t mean that managers should ignore their insights into employee performance. However, they should be careful of assuming that their insights tell the whole story.

No one likes to feel like people are making assumptions about them. Employees might even be deeply insulted by a manager’s intrusion into their personal issues.

That’s why one of our feedback suggestions for managers is to ask, rather than assume. If an employee has missed a few deadlines, their manager should take them aside and say “you’ve missed a number of deadlines lately, what do you think is causing this? Let’s look at how we can get you back on track”.

5. Postponing feedback

What’s worse than receiving negative feedback? Receiving feedback so long after the fact that you can’t do anything to improve the situation. One of the toughest challenges of giving feedback is getting the timing right.

In an effort to keep things professional, many managers wait for performance reviews to provide employees with any constructive feedback. This means that if there’s an issue in January, they could wait until the end of the quarter (March) to address it.

This doesn’t work for a couple of reasons. Firstly, managers can become fed up with an employee who isn’t changing their behavior, forgetting that they haven’t even discussed the behavior with them yet. Secondly, it means that performance reviews can be too focused on problems that occurred months ago, and are all but forgotten.

So, take super-entrepreneur Tim Fargo’s advice that “mistakes should be examined, learned from, and discarded; not dwelled upon and stored”. Address issues as they arise. Build regular opportunities for feedback into everyone’s schedule, such as bi-weekly one-on-ones. Regular feedback will also give employees practice on receiving constructive feedback, so it’s a no-brainer.

6. Setting vague expectations

Knowing if both sides are on the same page is another one of the core challenges of giving feedback.

Feedback is only constructive if it’s actionable, specific, and clear. So, don’t say “we need to see you become more diligent in your work”. Being more diligent is great in theory, but how exactly do you improve diligence, a personal quality? Rather say “you need to pay closer attention to detail in your assignments”. Provide examples where the employee has not behaved with attention to detail. Both sides need to understand exactly what incorrect behavior looks like, and what an improvement would look like.

Setting improvement KPIs is one way to make your expectations clear, and track employee progress. For example, a copywriter can work toward a goal of keeping typos under five for every 1000 words.

Finally, make sure that the consequences for not improving are clear. Let’s say that the copywriter above doesn’t improve their attention to detail. Do they know what to expect? Explain the practical actions that the organization will need to take, without making threats.

Put These Feedback Tips into Action

Yes, champions eat feedback for breakfast. But champions also know that providing good feedback requires skill and sensitivity.

Now you know how to give constructive feedback at the right time, with the right approach and clear expectations. Apply the tips in this article, avoid performance feedback errors, and expect to see employee performance and employee-manager relationships positively transform.

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Because giving and receiving feedback is a skill everyone can stand to get better at, we recently went through a company-wide training. If words like “feedback” and “company-wide training” make you groan—stop yourself (at least from doing it out loud).

While no one likes giving feedback, or sitting in trainings, everyone likes improving—and it’s impossible to do that without being told the areas in which you could grow.

In our sessions, we had a lot of solid conversations and learned a lot of great tips (like how to give peer feedback and how to take constructive criticism like a champ). But one of the most interesting discussions I had was with a group of managers who shared that they sometimes don‘t offer constructive criticism, even though they know they should.

What’s stopping them? I reached out to get answers and heard the following:

  • I don’t want to demotivate them because they’re so overworked already.
  • I’m not sure if the feedback I want to give them is valid or if it’s just a personal problem. 
  • I’m so mentally drained every day that I don’t have the time or energy to give deep constructive and corrective feedback.
  • I gave them feedback once already, and they’re still doing the thing I gave them feedback on. I feel like if they didn’t listen the first time, they won‘t listen the second.
  • I’m concerned that it’ll become a point of fixation for the receiver, who’s otherwise doing good work.
  • I don’t think they really want constructive feedback.
  • I’m not sure what I want, but it’s not that, and I know that’s not specific enough feedback
  • This person used to be my peer and now they’re my direct report—I don’t know how to change the dynamic!

While those may all sound familiar, the most common response was “I don’t want to upset my direct report and make things awkward.” This is 100% understandable. But it’s also the wrong way to manage. People can’t improve if they don’t know where to start.

So, in an effort to help you push through that “icky” feeling, I laid out the three excuses you probably make to avoid giving feedback—and provided a mantra to help you get over each one.

1. “I Don‘t Want to Feel Uncomfortable”

From a purely selfish perspective, discomfort’s something most people try to avoid. As a manager, it can be really hard to lean into it willingly, even though you’re capable of it. You worry about how to say the thing you need to say or feel nervous about what they’re going to say in return.

Good news! In the vast majority of cases, you’ll only experience a momentary discomfort while having the feedback conversation, and then it’ll pass. In fact, the anticipation of doing it is often worse than the actual conversation, because we hype this up in our minds. Instead of trying to avoid being uncomfortable, acknowledge the feeling and accept it.

Your New Mantra

“This is going to be a little uncomfortable—and that‘s normal. By facing this, I‘m being a better manager and growing my direct report while also growing myself.”

Still holding back? Try scheduling coffee outside the office to have the conversation; ask them to bring feedback they have for you as well. That way you’re locked into sharing, and can focus on the relief you‘ll feel when it’s over.

The upside is that the more you give constructive feedback and develop a healthy relationship with your team, the less this discomfort will phase you. You’ll realize it’s like when you can feel the burn at the gym. You know you’re doing good work because you‘re stretching yourself past your comfort zone.

2. “I Don’t Want to Make Them Feel Bad”

This is the flipside of number one and it’s very common in highly empathetic managers. While it’s great to be a highly empathetic manager (yes, yes, take a moment to pat yourself on the back), know that this excuse typically masquerades as a benevolent intention. Keeping someone from feeling bad is a good thing, right?

Wrong.

In this case, you’re making a choice for your employee; you‘re trading possible discomfort or negative emotions—which you can‘t even be sure they‘ll feel—for a chance to get information that could make them better at their job.

Hold back concerns long enough and it could lead to that same person whose feelings you were protecting not getting a promotion, or even losing their job. Taken to that extreme, it‘s easy to see how backwards this excuse is.

Your New Mantra

“I want the best for my team. Caring about someone doesn’t mean sparing their feelings, it means being supportive and honest so they can grow.”

If this resonates for you, I recommend tying your feedback to goals and aspirations you know your employee cares about. By reminding people of what they want to achieve, they‘re more likely to be receptive to the things they don‘t want to do.

Here‘s an example, “John, I know you want to become a manager and are already thinking about ways in which you can develop those skills. Being a manager requires great time management, which is something I‘ve observed has been inconsistent recently in your work. For example, last week, you didn’t get any of your projects in on time.” By giving that upfront context, you’re showing that you care about helping John achieve his goals.

Finally, I’ll add that it’s not your job to keep your team from feeling any negative emotions ever. Your job is to grow your employees, help them achieve higher performance for your team and the company, and work with them to help reach their goals.

3. “I‘m Scared This Will Impact Our Relationship”

From “I want to be liked and fear somewhat that my feedback will compromise that” to “We work together so closely and so frequently that I’ll make an extra effort to keep the relationship positive,” this one pops up a lot. Having a great relationship with your team is a very good thing to aspire to, but that doesn’t mean always keeping things light.

Just think of the last romantic relationship you had in which you didn’t speak up when things bugged you in order to keep things positive. It likely resulted in one or both of you not getting what you needed.

Your New Mantra

“A healthy relationship is one that has open communication, not hidden frustrations. Giving constructive feedback will deepen and strengthen our relationship and getting through challenging things together bring people closer.”

Giving constructive feedback will indeed impact your relationship. But that’s not a bad thing. Delivered with compassion and sincerity, these conversations impact your relationship for the better. Yes, things may feel awkward and uncomfortable during your meeting, and maybe even for the rest of the day, if not longer.

That’s OK, give your employee a chance to process the information in their own way. As you follow up, you’ll build a deeper relationship by showing them support in making a change that enhances their performance and gives them a leg up in their career.

There are many reasons managers convince themselves that today isn’t a good day to give feedback, but to be a great manager, it’s critical to push through those excuses. Take the time to talk thoughtfully and honestly with your employees. By making feedback a habit, your team’s performance will increase and you’ll find that yours has too.